Yeah, I don’t see that happening, either.

In any case, I did get a few responses, and so, here we go.

The Princess of Power is coming to New York City for a few days and wants to know what non-touristy things to do. While it’s true that I live within fifteen miles of NYC, I don’t take nearly enough advantage by exploring. I go to concerts, and I visit touristy places with visitors. What is wrong with me?

Let me start by explaining what I consider “touristy” - the things that everyone does when they go to the City. Not the museums. Not the zoo. You know - the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, Times Square. So what I’m going to suggest may actually be what y’all consider touristy, but to me, they are things that people here for a short time don’t bother doing. I know when I go to Boston or Philly for a couple of days, I never make it to the museums.

So, I’ll start there. The American Museum of Natural History is one of my favorite places to go on my birthday (I say this as I’ve done it twice, and the only thing I do multiple birthdays is eat, drink, and take off of work). I love The Butterfly Conservatory and all of the exhibits, but my favorite thing to see is the dinosaur bones. The eight-year old in me never grew out of her fascination with the giant lizards-I-mean-birds.

I guess that Central Park is touristy in that everyone likes to go there, but most of them are headed to the zoo, or the carousel, or Strawberry Fields. I like to wander around and people watch. You never know what you’re going to stumble across, and it’s kind of fun to navigate yourself into the thick of the park and that back out into the City.

I find that most people go to NYC and hang out in the vicinity of Times Square. Venture elsewhere, people! Take the subway out to Coney Island - they have an aquarium out there that’s pretty cool. The oldest shark in captivity died recently - she was at that aquarium. Take the Staten Island Ferry - it’s free! Check out the Bronx Zoo - the gorilla exhibit is freakin’ awesome.

Honestly, if I were only here for four days, I’d worry that I wouldn’t have time for any of the non-touristy stuff. As someone who’s lived within commuting distance for the past eighteen years, I tend to fail because I haven’t explored nearly enough. One of these days, I’m going to hop a bus, camera in hand, exit the Port Authority, and just venture out, into the urban jungle…

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Anyway, we did the Liberty Bell, and Independence Hall, and Betsy Ross’s house. And that’s really the extent of what I remember. So I thought another visit, something like twenty years later (shit, I’m old!), was worth taking.

Can I be honest with you? Philly is not as interesting as I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong - it is the birthplace of our nation and it’s cool that there is so much history there, but as a city, it doesn’t rank anywhere near Boston, or even New York.

Maybe I’m bitter because of all of the walking I did.

But really. The security to get into the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall? They hand search each and every bag. I almost felt bad for the dudes who did it, cuz all they found at each place was an iPod and feminine hygiene products. What’s next? Cavity searches at Ben Franklin’s grave?

Speaking of that, they charge you two bucks to enter the Christ Church cemetery. On principle, I refused to pay to see the resting places of centuries-dead people. I can see then for free in Boston. Besides, Ben and his wife, Deborah, lie right inside the fence. You can see the site from the street.

Betsy Ross house was interesting. The stairs are just as narrow as they were when I was around 10, but seeing as I’m a bit bigger, maneuvering up and down them was a bit different. They have a Betsy impersonator who gives a short speech about how making flags was treason back in the day. She also did other treasonous work - involving firearms for the Revolutionary soldiers. Go on, Betsy, you’re a badass! :)

We walked around and tried to find things. We probably should have planned a bit better as we had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. I did take a lot of photos, though.

Aside from the historic stuff, there is one thing I wanted to do. I know it’s cheesy as all hell, but I wanted to run up the Rocky Steps. I thought this was a good month to do it, since I’ve been making all these financially responsible choices and I achieved a savings account and a zero credit card balance and, oh, you know the rest. To make a much-repeated story short, I feel like I kind of won a fight or two this month, so running up those steps (perhaps with “Gonna Fly Now” blasting in my ears) would be a celebration of sorts.

Also? The Rocky movies are like, legend among my immediate family and several friends. My parents own practically every movie Sylvester Stallone has ever been in (good or bad, that’s your call). Rocky IV is oft-quoted, the soundtrack is oft-listened to, and shit, I own every one of the movies.

So we started walking up Arch Street towards the Museum District. We made it about twelve blocks before we realized that the museum is on the other side of the Ben Franklin Parkway. Shit, a parkway? We can’t walk a parkway! We hobbled back the twelve blocks to try to find our car (that took a bit of work, too).

When we drove back up the way we had headed, we realized that the ‘parkway’ wasn’t what we Jerseyans think of when we hear the word. Although really, it’s better that we didn’t walk it because I don’t think I could’ve beared walking back to the historic district afterwards.

After parking, we headed to the Rocky Statue, where some guy took our photos and swindled Steve into tipping him. I wouldn’t have done it, because really? Really, dude? But I guess it was worth it, since there was one photo Steve took on my camera, and it was blurry and crappy. The ones that the dude took were way better.

It was time to approach the steps. Folks? There is no way in hell, if Rocky Balboa was in fact a real person, that he would have jogged through the mean streets of his Philadelphia neighborhood and all the way up those steps in Converse sneakers. I was wearing my Chucks, and my feet were hurting somethin’ fierce. I jogged up each step of steps slowly, and walked the landing between each. Kind of like how you used to run in the halls in school, slowing down to walk past the classrooms or the principal’s office. So, I didn’t do a triumphant run up the steps (a few others did, though, and we pointed and laughed), but I made it up. The view is amazing. I could not find Rocky’s shoe prints, though.

Having seen Philly, I’ve decided that one: I should plan trips better next time, and two: I really don’t feel a need to return anytime soon.

I am stiff and achy all over. Yo, Adrian. Get me some ice!

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