Ponderings
It’s not you, it’s me. It’s not anybody. It just is.
Did I mention that I finished reading A New Earth? I’m taking a break from it by reading “easy” stuff like Tori Spelling’s bio before I pick it up again. Sometimes, you have to let your mind rot.
In copying my archives from the Internet Archive, I saw comments. Oh my God, people used to read me! Yoshi mentioned in his last post that the old days of blogging didn’t have things like RSS feeds and blog readers; you just read the blogs on your blogroll, linked who you liked, and commented on who you read. I know I have my core group of a few readers, and I am so appreciative of you guys. But I wonder where all the others went when I moved…
For someone who loves the uber-socialness of blogging, I am not social when forced to emerge from behind the laptop. I am a homebody. I don’t actively seek out strangers and talk to them. Even the people I know and (relatively) like, I need to seperate myself from, lest I feel the urge to punch them in the head. (Don’t take it personally - it’s not you, it’s me.)
I let things bother me about others (and, don’t kid yourself, about myself, too), instead of accepting these things not as right or wrong, but just being. (See? I totally got stuff out of Eckhart’s book!) The fact that he lives at home and has no plans on ever getting a better job or his own place? Not right or wrong. It just is. The fact that she hemorrhages money like it grows out of her butt? It just is. The fact that I am a passive-aggressive bitch? It just is.
Okay, that last one probably isn’t so true. There’s no need to be passive-aggressive, and there’s no need to let inconsequential stuff bother me. Knowing is half the battle. Putting it into practice? Something else entirely.
Discussion
8 comments for “It’s not you, it’s me. It’s not anybody. It just is.”
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Diz! I finally found you. For the life of me I couldn’t remember your blog URL! *adds you to Bloglines*
I understand what you mean about being the homebody. I can totally relate. I used to never go anywhere when I blogged before, and I certainly never commented. I just thought that I had nothing really good to say for a comment, since so many people said it already.
But, after realizing how much comments meant to me, I started commenting more on other people’s sites, and lo behold, i got more people commenting and so on. pretty crazy.
What was the point of this comment? who knows. LOL It’s all good.
Knowing IS half the battle. The other half is practice, and the practice is a bitch on a PMS day!
@B - Hey, I know you! ;)
@yoshi - I am the world’s worst commenter. I have the best intentions, but, like you, I felt I had nothing to say mostly (still do). I need to just say hey. And thank you for your comments :)
@TLo - Pft, the practice is a bitch PMS or not!
I had people read my blog until wordpress STOLE IT! STOLE.IT! Fuckers!
It is what is, right?
I know what you mean. I was exactly like Yoshi. And until very recently I didn’t use a feed reader. I had my list of blogs on my blogroll which I clicked on daily to see if there was anything new and would rarely comment because, “who was I to comment on someone’s blog”? Yeah, self-esteem issues gallore here baby!
I decided to delurk and started commenting and after that I had people comment on my blog. Sometimes people I didn’t know. Soon it got out of hand and my list grew so much that I could follow every blog manually so I installed a feed reader and now I cannot follow my feed reader! I need another Colin to read all these posts!
In your case I have been following you on and off for years. I remember your music blog too but was not around for its death. At some point I lost all my bookmarks and, as a result, all the blogs I was following.
@Jennifer - Their site, their rules. ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR ARCHIVES.
@Colin - We’re just a whole big mess of self-esteem here in the barelymyself.com comments, aren’t we? We’re good enough, we’re smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like us! Also, I had no idea you were following me for that long (on and off or not). Thanks! :-D
Yeah. I emailed them several times to find out what I did wrong and didn’t get a response. Then I emailed them back and told them I would take off the illegal stuff. No response. That’s shitty. If you have rules, you should at least respond to your followers to back them up! Period.