Present
When life smacks you in the face and tells you to pay attention
I had a bit of an epiphany last night. It wasn’t something I had no idea of before, it just kind of came together in words for once. I had my BFF TLo, Oprah, the NKOTB reunion, and the letter J to thank.
“What. The. F?” you are probably saying. Or, you’re so used to my nonsensical blatherings that you’re just rolling your eyes. Well, cut me some slack. The older I get, the more philosophical I seem to be. If philosophical means having a moment of clarity amidst mockery of chest hair and constipated facial expressions.
But I digress. My epiphany was: I may not have grown up, but I have moved on. At my inner core, I’m just as goofy, dorky, and immature as I’ve always been. But as an almost-thirty year old, I can no longer relate to some of the people who were once so important to who I was.
The past few years have proven to me that people come in and out of your life for a reason. Being the egocentric people we are, we usually think that people entering and exiting are here (or not here) explicitly for us. We don’t stop to think that maybe we are the ones who are in their lives for a particular reason, and for a particular time. When they’ve benefited from whatever it is they learn from us, they may pull away. And that’s okay. Because we’re all doing that - drawing from, learning from, giving, receiving, pulling or pushing away.
The fact that I can’t relate anymore, or the feeling that certain characters bring too much drama into my circle? It’s fine to feel that way. It doesn’t make me right or you wrong. We can both be right, but not right for each other. It’s all right for me to no longer feel the bond that brought us together. It’s absolutely possible that the bond dissolved. It’s a certainty that you will outgrow some of your friends.
If there’s a purpose for everyone, then naturally we get there by very different paths. What I’m trying to come to terms with is the fact that (shock of shocks) the world does not revolve around me, my choices, and my beliefs. That which I don’t like or agree with, is not necessarily wrong. It’s just not right for me.
We are here for such a short time. Why are we all so worried about everyone else’s choices? Why aren’t we more concerned with our own? Whether you choose to have eight children or work at the Quick Stop for the rest of your life, the only one you have to make happy is you. The only one I have to make happy is me.
There have been people in my life that I thought would always be there. Some have gone. Some are here, but in a different role. Some have proven to be more important in teaching me about myself than I ever thought they would.
It’s all okay. Instead of criticizing people or being passive-aggressive about them, or judging their choices, I need to look at them and learn from them. And I hope that in my own choices and mistakes, I’m teaching others as well.
I wish I could be more specific as to what I’m trying to say here, but it’s just not easy to be. It’s a lesson I’m trying to teach myself each day. Habits are hard to break.
Moving on from what used to be common ground. That’s what this comes down to. It’s okay to move on. It’s survival to move on, and not sit still. So, I’m moving on. The looking back part is what slows me down.
Discussion
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You really are brilliant.
J power!!! Jump for Joy and Jelly donuts!!! :)
I had this epiphany a few years ago. It was shortly after I had been married. Kris and I were fighting about something hit me. I was so upset that he wasn’t making ME happy! All of a sudden I just stopped arguing. It clicked, the reason we were fighting is because I thought our marriage was all about ME being happy! It isn’t! It’s about how we affect each other and why we are truly together. This thought trickled down. I was no more responsible for his happiness then he was for mine. We were responsible for ourselves.
This little idea trickled down. I needed to stop thinking about what every one was doing for me! I started to think about the greater realm of my being.
After I had Colby I started to think about how people come in out of our lives and how important it is to listen to the things they are telling us and to be careful about what we tell them. You may very well be giving this person hope or joy where they don’t have it in there life. Or they may just be passer by’s to teach us small lessens or for us to be their teachers.
Seeing the beginning of a person’s life opens your mind up to these thoughts. The moment they put that life in your hands you think and worry about how you will affect his person. Then you see how others affect their lives. And how they affect the world. It is amazing. And scary. I didn’t have these thoughts with Pat. I was so scared he would die I didn’t think about anything but keeping him alive! I had a lot of time alone with Colby. He would stare at me with those huge blue eyes and I swear I could see the other side of the universe. All these thoughts just started pouring into my head about my place in this world and how important it is for me to watch what I do and say!
Any way. I know people who don’t have children have these thoughts. This is just my experience. It happened from becoming a mom a 3rd time. ; )
Isn’t it great when the pieces start coming together!
@Emily - you really are a flatterer ;)
@TLo - Jumping Jehosephat!
@Jen - It’d be greater if I could keep them together long enough to be present ;)
Yep. I know. My pieces keep coming undone as well!